Just Like You

“Okay! Okay! Okay!”

Panic catches in my throat

I extend my arms, palms out

Waiting for the blitz

“Just please, stop yelling.”

At 39, I was transported back to a teenager

To a mother coming home from a parent-teacher conference

Rushing into the house

Rancid words

“You’re such a loser!”

Her tiny hand gaining the strength of ten men as it fits around my throat

Pushing me to the wall

A belt materialized out of thin air

Buckle first in this house

A house of surprise terror

Ambushing

So here I am, mother

Decades later

Thinking I’m only worthy of this kind of love

An alluring and familiar violence

Watching a resurrected reflection in the eyes of another

I brace myself because I can’t run and hide

No escape

“You’re such a fucking coward!” echoing to keep me in the present belittling rage

It seems I’ve never acquired the right skill to detect and defuse the tick tick tick tick of the obscenities people keep hidden

Just like you